Watch the friend and not the enemy

friend

/frend/

Noun A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations Is this your definition?  Friends will come and go in your life, but more important than how long a friendship lasts, is that a good friend will love you for who you are. The way you can tell the sign of a good friend is by looking at the actions they take –big and small – that show they care. A good friend is like family. Someone you can count on through thick and thin and not when it is convenient.  Are you hurt?  Did your friend come to your aid and comfort you?  Have you made a huge accomplishment in your life?  Is your friend happy for you or envious?  Can a person call them self a good friend if you are jealous?  Talk behind your back? The word "friend" is used so often incorrectly, we cannot tell the difference anymore. I found out the hard way, but I have lost a couple of friends in the past year.  I beat myself up about it too, I took a step back and had to look at myself. What was it about me that caused me to lose at least 3 people in my life that I considered a friend or even a sister.  I even pulled a third, non-biased party to talk about it.  Did I say or do something unconsciously?  Sometimes you just grow apart. To say the least, there were some actions by some that I considered friends and sisters that took me by storm.  I never saw it coming.  Touched me deep.  Call me crazy, but i even think this social media has played a part in craziness in some friendships, or maybe there was never a real friendship to begin with. I had to go to one of my "sisters" whom I know for a fact will give me the real deal no matter how I feel about it.  The start of the end was about a year and  half ago.  I was out of town and made a comment on Twitter, nothing personal, but as I look back it must have been taken out of content.  A person, that is real and not afraid to speak face to face will do just that.  Instead I felt the eyes and knife as it came thrushing in my back.  Would you leave your family or best friend in a bad neighborhood without seeing about their wellfare? Matter of fact, why even leave them?  Any good friend will not.  Will you change how you treat one friend just because you have found another?  Any good friend will not.  O it cut me deep, I may have never shown this side of me, but I definitely felt it. I thought a good friend, comes to your aid when you need it.  When you have absolutely no one to call on, they will drop everything to listen to you and give a shoulder to cry on.  Years mean nothing.  You can know a person for 15 years and they slowly drift away.  Unsure if you are a good friend or have a good friend in your life? Listen. Listening is so important not to underestimate, but it can be hard to do. The best way to listen is to try and understand the situation from your friends’ point of view. If you aim to do this, you’ll naturally find yourself beginning to ask the right sort of questions and they will appreciate having someone who really cares about how they feel and what they’re going through. You don’t have to have all the answers, and you shouldn’t assume your friend wants advice – they might just want to talk so that they can work out what they’re going to do themselves. Ask them what they need. If you’re worried about someone and you want to be there for them, just ask them what they need- that way you know what they find helpful during tough times, and you can be there in a way that’s most useful to them. Get physical. Smiles and hugs are a great way to show friends that they’re not alone, that you’re there for them, and that they are important. Keep in touch. Even if you guys aren’t nearby each other, making an effort to keep in touch through facebook, emails, texts and calls will show your friend you are there for them. Tell them how you feel. You don’t have to make a big deal of it all the time but sometimes there are moments where letting someone know that they’re important to you through something you say, can make a big difference to how someone is feeling. Get the facts. If your friend has a medical condition, or a mental health issue, a good way to offer support is to learn about what they’ve been diagnosed with. Taking an interest in what they’re going through shows that you care, and that you’re planning to stick around no matter what’s going on. Be willing to make a tough call. If you think the safety of your friend is at risk, you might need to act without their consent and get help (see the sidebar for where you can seek help). It can be a hard choice particularly when you’re worried about their reaction, but remember that you are acting because you care and you don’t want them to be hurt.