Words that we are supposed to live by. So they say!
You can never say how you will react to a situation until you are actually in it! We say what we will or won't do, but have you been there? Have you experienced it first hand?
To be the first to say, I was the one that was the strongest, the craziest, and certified. Yep! Ask a friend....I needed a couch and a third party. It sounds funny, but to be in the situation and then to be at the point where I'm now on the outside looking in, I can never say how I will act or react to a situation.
Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. The words can cut you like a knife, so deep where it is now truth.
What is Verbal Abuse? A form of bullying to gain status as superior to the target person; Using "mind games" to instill doubt in the other party, while building one's sense of dominance and control over the victim.
What is the purpose of verbal abuse, why go to such great lengths? Well as the obvious would say, the other party most definitely is perceived to have self-esteem that is low and wants the other person to be just as low if not lower for them to dominate over. Disgusting!
I could have you in tears with the stories. I was called fat, ugly, disgusting, I was unattractive, and nothing I did was right. I fought so much to please that I did not take the steps to walk away and make ME happy. I just began numbing my pain with food. I really believed I was not good enough. I was not the same bubbly, happy chick who could brighten someone else's day, because my days were not bright anymore, they were dark and black. Like the black hole, I was getting sucked deeper and deeper and couldn't pull out.
Countering: Putting down the person's thoughts or feelings, perceptions and experience; arguing for any idea or point
ex. One says it's sad there is so much violence on TV; the other says "Its not that violent, you are just a wimp"
Withholding: Refusing to share ideas, feelings or thoughts.
ex. "I do not want to talk to you, you get too emotional!"
Discounting: Minimizing the person's accomplishments/experiences.
ex. One gets a B on a report; and the other replies "That's nothing, I always get A's" Just to make you feel like although you achieved something good, they will always be better.
Name Calling and Threatening
Now, what can we do to walk away from the abuse? Take a look at the steps below as described by John D. DeFrain, with Extensive Family and Community Development Specialist.
- Know you are under attack
- Talk with your counselor, friend, family member, or another adult you trust.
- Plan your defense attack.
- Know how to follow through.
- You CAN walk away (even if you are dating)
- Use "I" statements to explain how it makes you feel.
- Be assertive and ask for changes in the relationship.
- Stay in the present and do not dwell on the past.
- Get professional counseling or support.
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